Wednesday, April 22, 2009

how to love yourself again after a break-up

It doesn't matter if you have been dumped, or someone dumped you, the hurt and grief are the same.
No matter who's fault the break-up is, both parties can be left with a broken heart.
And, not only will you feel the loss of your partner, this event will also open up old hurts from other unhealed relationships, and more importantly, old pain from your childhood will also surface.
"I hurt so bad, I can hardly breathe.", was the statement from a friend of mine describing her pain when she broke up with her boyfriend.
And, indeed the will to survive, and to carry on, are affected by this deep grief.
To help yourself deal with this pain, realize that the loss of any relationship regardless of how long it was whether for 2 weeks, 2 months, or 20 years, that this loss is real pain.
Give yourself time and permission to go through the stages of grief that come to you.
Your experience with this loss will roughly follow: denial, hurt, sadness, anger, and acceptance. Each of these levels of the broken heart experiences are phases of healing.
Allow them to occur as they will.
This is how you will heal.Remember Both Sides ...
The first thing you might think is, "I love them, and I can't live without them!" You might remember the good things that you shared at this point.
Do yourself a favor. Each time you remember something good, also remember what you didn't get in the relationship, and the bad things that they did as well.
If you only see the good, it will be re-creating them as perfect people, and make the loss seem even worse.
And, as painful as the situation might be for you remember to: FEEL YOUR FEELINGS AND ALLOW THEM TO BE.
This will help you to walk through the major part of your grief in a short time.
If you keep stuffing your pain, you will carry it forever until you release it.
Let the sadness, hurt, pain, and anger wash over you. Let it be, and it will dissipate that much faster.
When the break-up occurs call your best friends and ask for their support.
There isn't a person on the planet that doesn't have some understanding of what a broken heart feelings like.
Let your friends help you, care about you, and give you support.
What To Do When The Break-Up First Happens ...
When this tragedy hits, make friends with your nearest kleenex box, and go to bed, or to a room to cry.
Don't try to put up a front, go to work, or help those around you.
When you can't help yourself, you can't help others, any way.
Take a day or two, to do nothing but feel your pain, cry, and get angry.
Accepting your pain, is the first stage of letting it all go.
Remember the act of grieving will help you to heal.
Talk to friends, or family, and a few days after the break-up go out into nature if you can.
This is a nurturing place.
Mother nature grounds us, and soothes us.
Going for a walk in the mountains, by a stream, or the ocean, is a way to be alone with your thoughts, and to get grounded again.
At all costs, try to avoid the person who caused your heart to break.
If you keep seeing them, it will just bring some hope to the surface, and that hope will be dashed on the rocks once again.
Avoid more pain, by staying away from them.
I'll Never Do This Again ...
When you are hurt, your first response will be to never, ever put yourself in the same position again to be hurt.
This is a natural response to pain.
When a small child gets burned by a candle, they won't go near them again.
But, remember, the candle gives off light (love), and we all need light in our lives.
You will say, though, during the healing stages, "I will never do this again! Ever!".
This statement is also part of the healing of your broken heart.
Just remember, that you need to be loved, and that some day you will find it if you keep looking.
Don't Try To Stop Thinking About Them ...
Don't try to stop thinking about the other person; contrary to popular thought, that will only keep the embers burning.
If you stuff your thoughts of them, you will not heal.
If you have thoughts about them, let them bubble up.
Let the pain of the loss surface as well.
Without this process, you will not be able to get over them.
Accept that you have broken up, and they are GONE.
What To Do While You Are Picking Up The Pieces ...
Maybe you can't do much for yourself at the present time, but it is a sure fire thing that you can lend a helping hand to someone else: -
Volunteer in a soup kitchen, at a kids club, your church, or visit friends who are ill or in need.
As soon as you help someone else, you aren't spending so much time with your own mind, and negative thoughts.-
Get a massage, go for a walk, visit friends who care about you.-
Go away for a week-end and air out your head.-
Get a pet. Maybe you lost your partner, but a pet can love you unconditionally. No matter what, pets are a wonderful source of love. And, with your broken heart, you do need love.-
Take a course in something that you've been interested in.
As you go through your grief, you have to remind yourself that life moves on.
You also need to move on into the next chapter of your life.
Explore new passions.
Lastly, remember ... .. Yesterday is gone, live for today; love yourself today; feel for today. Finding love and loosing love, is all part of the journey ...
It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does!!!~

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